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<h1>Dear Internet: Thanks for the Advice on Sex and Drinking. It's Way Better than What We Get from Slate.</h1>

<div><div><div><p></p>  <p>On Tuesday evening, Slate's "Dear Prudence" columnist, Emily Yoffe, posted    <a href="http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2013/10/sexual_assault_and_drinking_teach_women_the_connection.html">this</a> article, which linked     women's alcohol consumption to sexual assault. In it, she charges that college-aged women should be advised to curb their alcohol use, because it is a     "common denominator" in most cases of rape.</p>  <blockquote>The sheer number of responses to Yoffe indicates that we are starting to change the way we think about this issue.</blockquote>  <p>"Misplaced fear of blaming the victim," she wrote, "has made it somehow unacceptable to warn inexperienced young women that when they get wasted, they are     putting themselves in potential peril."</p>  <p>But as the increasingly numerous critics of her post have pointed out, women have repeatedly been told to modify their behavior in order to avoid such tragic     consequences.</p>  <p>Yoffe herself addressed the controversy surrounding her argument in a <a href="http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2013/10/18/rape_culture_and_binge_drinking_emily_yoffe_responds_to_her_critics.html">new <span>piece</span></a>, saying, "<span style="height: 27px;">Because of the strong evidence that intoxication and sexual assault are linked and that a kind of predator seeks out intoxicated women, I concentrated on informing young women that avoiding incapacitation could help them stay safe.</span>"</p>  <p>What Yoffe fails to recognize, however, is that the information she provided is not new. It's a classic example of victim-blaming. And her response continues to leave unchallenged the dominant framework surrounding this issue.</p>  <p>Yet the article has also led to positive dialogue<span style="height: 22px;">&mdash;</span>from both women and men.</p>  <p>Several writers have used this as an opportunity to bring up an important missing link in traditional discussions of rape and sexual violence: the role     of men.</p>  <p>Here are a few of our favorite responses.</p>  <ol><li> Jessica Valenti, writing for <i><a href="http://www.thenation.com/blog/176710/what-we-talk-about-when-we-talk-about-rape%C2%A0%23">The Nation</a></i>, brought in the broader context of rape culture: "When we make victims' choices the focus of rape prevention, we make the world a safer place for         rapists ... You know why rapists ... rape women? Because they know the victim's community and law enforcement will be less likely to believe them."</li>  <li> Tyler Kingkade of the <i><a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tyler-kingkade/men-not-to-drink-rape-prevention_b_4108813.html">Huffington Post</a></i> offered a male perspective. He wrote, "A woman should not have to fear that if she reaches a certain blood alcohol level, one of her friends,         acquaintances or even boyfriend might sexually assault her."</li>  <li>If you&rsquo;re in need of some comic relief, <i><a href="http://www.buzzfeed.com/krystieyandoli/reacting-to-emily-yoffes-slate-article-with-drake-agb2?sub=2681591_1826230">BuzzFeed</a></i> responded to quotes from the article through a series of over-the-top reaction shots in the form of animated GIFs depicting the rapper Drake. The author added, "Women should be able to live in a world where they can drink to their heart's content without having to worry about being violently assaulted." We'll drink (multiple drinks) to that!</li>  <li><span style="height: 18px;">Amanda Hess, another contributing writer for <i><a href="http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2013/10/16/it_s_the_rapists_not_the_drinking_to_prevent_sexual_assault_on_college_campuses.html">Slate</a></i>, had a few things to say: "</span><span style="height: 27px;">We can prevent the most rapes on campus by putting our efforts toward finding and punishing those perpetrators, not by warning their huge number of potential victims to skip out on parties."</span></li>  <li> The <i><a href="http://www.theatlanticwire.com/national/2013/10/slate-forgot-one-common-factor-rapes-are-rapists/70603/">Atlantic Wire</a></i>'s headline put         it succinctly: "Slate Forgot That the One Common Factor in Rapes are Rapists."</li>  </ol><p>Rape and sexual assault continue to be a serious issue in our society.    <a href="http://www.rainn.org/get-information/statistics/frequency-of-sexual-assault">The Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network</a> reports that there     are more than 200,000 victims of rape and sexual assault each year in the United States. That's dire news.&nbsp;But the sheer number of responses to Yoffe indicates that we are starting to change the way we think about this issue.</p>  <p>We are far from being free from sexual violence, but by shifting our focus to the perpetrator's behavior, rather than the victim, and by     constructively drawing attention to the failure of others to do so, it brings us one step closer to that goal. And the fact that we are seeing the media     view it this way is a good sign.</p>  <p>If you want more information on changing the way we think about gender and violence, check out this    <a href="http://www.ted.com/talks/jackson_katz_violence_against_women_it_s_a_men_s_issue.html">TED talk</a> by Jackson Katz, Ph.D.</p>  <hr style="width: 50%;" width="50%"><p><b>More stories: </b></p>  <ul><li><span style="height: 20px;"></span></li>  <li><span style="height: 20px;"></span></li>  <li><span style="height: 20px;"></span></li>  </ul></div><!-- <img src="ce1a45809f0640e68749c716ca1c3d39"> --></div><!-- <p><img src="c02acd69e793477fb415cfe0898d6d1b">Nur Lalji wrote this article for YES! Magazine, a national, nonprofit media project that fuses powerful ideas with practical actions. Nur is an online reporting intern at YES!</p> --></div><!-- <a href="resolveuid/d4af7d97249a44d5bc55454da9e86b3e">A New Dad Asks,&#160;If Male Violence Is the Biggest Threat to Women&#8212;How Do I Raise a Kind Son?</a> --><!-- <a href="resolveuid/0b295209a9a54d52ba81bec054d81851">No More Steubenvilles: How to Raise Boys to Be Kind Men</a> --><!-- <a href="resolveuid/aeee65e1470741739e8ca6790ebe4d1f">You've Come a Long Way, Feminism (But You're Not There Yet)</a> -->

<p>This article originally appeared in <a href="https://www.yesmagazine.org">Yes! Magazine</a> at <a href="https://www.yesmagazine.org/democracy/2013/10/19/dear-internet-thanks-for-the-advice-on-sex-and-drinking-it-s-way-better-than-what-we-get-from-slate">https://www.yesmagazine.org/democracy/2013/10/19/dear-internet-thanks-for-the-advice-on-sex-and-drinking-it-s-way-better-than-what-we-get-from-slate</a>.</p><link href="https://www.yesmagazine.org/democracy/2013/10/19/dear-internet-thanks-for-the-advice-on-sex-and-drinking-it-s-way-better-than-what-we-get-from-slate" rel="canonical"/><p>Yes! Magazine is a nonprofit, independent media organization dedicated to telling stories of ... . Learn more at <a href="https://www.yesmagazine.org">Yes! Magazine</a></p><img id="republication-tracker-tool-source" src="https://www.yesmagazine.org/?republication-pixel=true&post=12861&ga4=G-74QJNNY44Z" style="width:1px;height:1px;">

Dear Internet: Thanks for the Advice on Sex and Drinking. It's Way Better than What We Get from Slate.

On Tuesday evening, Slate's "Dear Prudence" columnist, Emily Yoffe, posted    this article, which linked     women's alcohol consumption to sexual assault. In it, she charges that college-aged women should be advised to curb their alcohol use, because it is a     "common denominator" in most cases of rape.  The sheer number of responses to Yoffe indicates that we are starting to change the way we think about this issue.  "Misplaced fear of blaming the victim," she wrote, "has made it somehow unacceptable to warn inexperienced young women that when they get wasted, they are     putting themselves in potential peril."  But as the increasingly numerous critics of her post have pointed out, women have repeatedly been told to modify their behavior in order to avoid such tragic     consequences.  Yoffe herself addressed the controversy surrounding her argument in a new piece, saying, "Because of the strong evidence that intoxication and sexual assault are linked and that a kind of predator seeks out intoxicated women, I concentrated on informing young women that avoiding incapacitation could help them stay safe."  What Yoffe fails to recognize, however, is that the information she provided is not new. It's a classic example of victim-blaming. And her response continues to leave unchallenged the dominant framework surrounding this issue.  Yet the article has also led to positive dialogue—from both women and men.  Several writers have used this as an opportunity to bring up an important missing link in traditional discussions of rape and sexual violence: the role     of men.  Here are a few of our favorite responses.   Jessica Valenti, writing for The Nation, brought in the broader context of rape culture: "When we make victims' choices the focus of rape prevention, we make the world a safer place for         rapists ... You know why rapists ... rape women? Because they know the victim's community and law enforcement will be less likely to believe them."   Tyler Kingkade of the Huffington Post offered a male perspective. He wrote, "A woman should not have to fear that if she reaches a certain blood alcohol level, one of her friends,         acquaintances or even boyfriend might sexually assault her."  If you’re in need of some comic relief, BuzzFeed responded to quotes from the article through a series of over-the-top reaction shots in the form of animated GIFs depicting the rapper Drake. The author added, "Women should be able to live in a world where they can drink to their heart's content without having to worry about being violently assaulted." We'll drink (multiple drinks) to that!  Amanda Hess, another contributing writer for Slate, had a few things to say: "We can prevent the most rapes on campus by putting our efforts toward finding and punishing those perpetrators, not by warning their huge number of potential victims to skip out on parties."   The Atlantic Wire's headline put         it succinctly: "Slate Forgot That the One Common Factor in Rapes are Rapists."  Rape and sexual assault continue to be a serious issue in our society.    The Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network reports that there     are more than 200,000 victims of rape and sexual assault each year in the United States. That's dire news. But the sheer number of responses to Yoffe indicates that we are starting to change the way we think about this issue.  We are far from being free from sexual violence, but by shifting our focus to the perpetrator's behavior, rather than the victim, and by     constructively drawing attention to the failure of others to do so, it brings us one step closer to that goal. And the fact that we are seeing the media     view it this way is a good sign.  If you want more information on changing the way we think about gender and violence, check out this    TED talk by Jackson Katz, Ph.D.  More stories: